And then, there is the long after

It is very odd for me to mention Canada, because I never felt like I belonged there. I always felt like an outsider, an intruder, a foreigner, a stranger. That's why I felt so ironic when I wrote "I did many community works and it develop my sense of belongingness to the community" in my application essay.

Although I have been there for almost three years, I did lots of volunteer works in the community and at school, I learned Canadian history, I used to play Canadian anthem in the orchestra, my spoken English is very much "Canadian"… These never seemed enough.

In the school seminar, we sometimes need to refer back to our education backgrounds and I would start to mention about how Victoria was and how Canadian were……I feel sad to talk about it. It seems very foreign to me, but at the same time, they all seem very familiar to me.

I refuse to admit it is part of my life. I used to try hard to blend into that society, but I think I failed.

However, the morning I left Victoria, I thought I was leaving for good. I had tears in my eyes. My homestay drove me to the airport. I said to her: "I take back my words before saying I will never coming to back again. I think I am going to be back, at least once."

I realise that I might miss the place slightly.

I might miss that I 'waste' three years here. I might miss many lucks from here, I might miss what I had experienced here.

I might miss how I struggled though this city, with the help of many, many kind people.